Baby Blues

So no one really talks about the baby blues the first two weeks after delivery except maybe your doctor. It almost seems like it is a shameful or embarrassing topic in the general population. I can't wrap my brain around that. New mommies just got done doing the most important thing they will ever do in their life. They brought a miracle into this world. Not to mention the life changes you endure to get them here. 

I started experiencing the emotional roller coaster in the hospital. I told DH to go home and stay the night because he had to work the next day. He has a job where he works with dangerous tools and machines. They use lots of saws, hammers, and huge machines that I don't even know what they do. Most guys there are missing at least a finger if not more. Guys get taken to the ER each week because of accidents.  Being exhausted makes it that much more dangerous. It was my suggestion for him to go home. It was my idea. When the time came for him to leave I cried and cried and begged for him to stay. I was terrified to be left alone with our baby. I had absolutely no idea what i was doing. I just knew i didn't want to do it by myself. Without complaining he said it was no big deal he would stay the night with me. 5 minutes later I calmed down and told him to go before the roller coaster went through another loop.I couldn't live with myself if something would have happened to him at work because I made him stay with me, sleeping on a hard uncomfortable couch with a screaming newborn waking up every hour. Reluctantly he left but called me from the parking lot to see if I was crying again. I was but I lied and told him I was fine. We spoke on the phone a few times that evening. At 8:45 I called to tell him goodnight. Once we hung up I heard a knock at my hospital door. It was my DH holding a blanket and a pillow. It was the best surprise I have ever received. Of course, I started crying again. Hell, I'm crying right now thinking about it. 

I would love to say that was my only experience with the baby blues but that would be a lie. My hormones and emotions were all over the place. I cried every time my DH left for work, when baby E wouldn't latch on correctly, at insurance drama, once my family members stopped coming to spend the day with me, thinking I'm the worst mother because I don't know what I'm doing, etc... I think I lost weight because of all those tears that came out. 

I'm now 12 days post-partum. I no longer cry when my DH leaves or when nursing doesn't go as planned. I'm feeling so much better and not so weepy. I found that talking about my feelings made me feel more in control, instead of hiding it and being ashamed. I also found that doing normal everyday things made me feel better. I started doing a load of laundry each day, taking a shower, doing some dishes, it made me feel like my old self. But the #1 thing that got me through is my husband! He reassures me daily that i am a good wife and mother. When he doesn't know what to say or how to make me feel better he just hugs me. Either that or he brings me a soda or beer. :) I might not be completely back to my regular self but I'm well on my way.

I love my boys!!!